I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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