Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
