I heard we made out
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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