I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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