She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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