Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
