Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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