is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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