he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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