FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
