I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
