Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
