u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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