You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
