every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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