Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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