They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
