1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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