Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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