whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
