Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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