i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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