I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
