I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize