feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
