I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize