On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
