I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
