You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
