A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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