Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
