I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
