guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
