mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
