So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
