Just cropdusted the office
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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