oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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