he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal