I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
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not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?