Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??