Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house