Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.