I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
