Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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