apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
