hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
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I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
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we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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