Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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