I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
