those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
