I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
