I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
