I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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