uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
