Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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