I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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