hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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