I just pynch a tree in the face
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
