I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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