it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
