I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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