Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
