she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize