i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
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Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
that may or may not have been my penis.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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