I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
