Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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