i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
