And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
