I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
