omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
