you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You smell like stripper and shame
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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