Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
