This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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