That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
