At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
