You made me cry and you don't even care
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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