from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
