Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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