I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
