I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
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I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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