To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
