hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
