There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
