I'm gonna have a badass scar
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
