Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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