Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
