i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
