If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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